Happy Fall

Fall is officially here!  The leaves are falling (autumning?) and the grass has stopped growing.  So I ask, why are you going to mow your lawn this week?! I’ll tell you why not – it’s one of my most hated concrastivities. Besides, “it’s a complete waste of time,” here are my top ten reasons not to mow your lawn this weekend.

  • 10 – You have better things to do – more important and more urgent
  • 9 – The grass isn’t growing any more
  • 8 – It better not to cut it short in the fall
  • 7 – Air Pollution – two cycle gas engines in push mowers are the most polluting kinds of engines
  • 6 – Lawn grass is a non-native species – some deep-rooted tall grasses are native but you don’t mow them.
  • 5 – You don’t look good doing it
  • 4 – Lawns are remnants of the golden age of British aristocracy – to show how wealthy they were. That’s who you are imitating, Daryl with your 20 x 20 ft plot of fescue with yellow circles behind a chain link fence . Plant flowering perennials instead and possibly a poop-garden feature for Fido.
  • 3 – You can get hurt
  • 2 – when people see you they think you are a slave to your lawn and possibly a lawn worshipper
  • 1 – Lawns don’t allow water to seep into the ground water, it just runs off taking your fertilizer and pesticides directly to the nearest waterway creating algae blooms and killing wildlife and all around destroying our environment. Keep ‘Merica beautiful – stop mowing lawns!

If you have seen my lawn you might think that I’m just a lazy ass with a bunch of weeds going wild everywhere, but it’s all part of my master plan to never mow again!

Enjoy your weekend without mowing!